Alone time

I think spending time alone is nice. I especially like spending time alone when it rains, which it is apparently going to do for the next week here in CO. 

Not everyone agrees, but when you are constantly bombarded by bosses, friends, coworkers, children, spouses, and even people at the grocery store, the last thing you want to do is be around other people. 

Spending time by yourself is a blessing.  Even 5 minutes without others can be beneficial for our health and self-care. Be selfish with your time with yourself.  If possible, block out time on your shared calendar at work, or at home, where other people can see it. You don’t have to label it anything, just show yourself as unavailable. 

I like to eat lunch by myself or take a hot bath with salts at night.  My spouse knows that if the door shuts and a bath is running: I need some alone time.  Most times I either journal or read a book for pleasure.  Use your personal time for things that bring you pleasure.  Drink that extra cup of coffee, read that smutty novel, do half an hour of yoga- and don’t you dare be sorry for it!  The kids will still be hungry, your spouse will still tell you about their day, and your boss will still have comments for you about that project, but those things can wait until your alone time is over. 

Research has shown that:

People who went out with others had just as much fun as people who took themselves out on a date.

So go take yourself on a date!  You’ll have fun.   You’ll get to have and do whatever you want without having to please anyone but yourself.  And that is a NICE thing. 

We’ll talk more about ways to date yourself tomorrow :)

Death and Self-Care

‪#‎MondayMantra‬ -Don't try to understand everything. Sometimes it is not meant to be understood, just accepted. 

One of the hardest things to understand in our life is death, especially the death of someone young and someone you knew, even in passing. There are so many emotions of sadness, anger, and fear that come during this time. Why did he die? He was so young! If it happened to him, it could happen to me too. 

I found out last night that one of my high school classmates passed away.  When you go to a school that graduates 763 kids at a time, it's hard to get to know everyone.  We weren't really friends.  I helped him with his math homework and taught him during our school musical that being a basketball player didn't have to be his only role- singing was fine too. We weren't close and I can't say with all honesty that I liked him, but what I did like about him was that he was always smiling. It was a contagious smile that infused everyone around him with happiness.  That is what the world lost.  It's doesn't matter how he died, just that he was too young, and that his smile is no longer with us.

Honor the life of the the person we lost through coming together with friends and family and reminding them, and yourself that there is love in the world. Have your sadness, your anger at the situation, and when those emotions fade, smile and hug your family and friends, just like that person would have done. We won't necessarily understand the cause and we may never know it. So do what Pashi would have done and smile and love your friends.

When death happens we are so consumed with the emotions and proper arrangements that we forget about self-care all together.  We cry, we reminisce about the person who passed, and we try to understand why it happened.  Sometimes there is no understanding it.  Death is a place we can't go to and talk to the person and ask why.  During this time, we have to take even better care of ourselves.  

What does that mean?

1. Mourn- you need to. 
2. Continue your day to day self care as much as possible. Make that cup of coffee with cream and syrup. Take that long shower you were planning on. 
3. Do something that brings up your spirits and reminds you of good in the world. Do this often in the coming days. It won't make the loss hurt less, but it will empower you and keep your light shining.  

How did I take care of myself this morning in light of this?

1. I had my cry. 

2. I got up and got dressed.

3. I made myself a hot cup of my favorite tea.

4. I drove to my favorite park, Garden of the Gods.

5. I had a morning yoga practice surrounded by the tranquility of the park in view of a huge mountain. 

6. I got myself a donut on the way home. 

An Intro to Meditation

If meditation can help significantly reduce stress in Congolese refugees in just 10 days, do you think it could help you reduce your stress?  

Meditation has been proven to reduce stress, increase positive emotion generation, reduce burnout, increase healing in patients, works as a coping mechanism for those with PTSD, and helps bring the body back to a state of homeostasis. 

So why aren’t you meditating?

I love to meditate in Garden of the Gods

 

Here are the excuses I hear:

1. I don’t have time
2. I don’t know how
3. I can’t stop my brain from going out of control
4. It’s weird
5. I’m not a monk( yes I’ve really heard that one)

Along with breathing exercises, one of the skills that martial arts teaches is meditation.  It is used in combination with breathing exercises to get yourself ready for class and to end class.  Meditation is part of practice for everyone age 4-80.  It becomes an ingrained part of your practice and later your life.  Being able to meditate got me through 50 page graduate school projects, my GRE, comprehensive exams, and multiple other stressors.  I seemed to handle these things better than my peers because I was able to employ meditation as a coping strategy and a stress prevention strategy. 

The easiest way to start meditating is to put 5 minutes in at the beginning of your morning and end of your evening. Guided meditations seem to be easiest for beginners. 

Here is a good 5 minute starter for you...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2UKw8tFYyY

Multiple magazines including Forbes and Entreprenuer have shown that successful people meditate daily.  It doesn’t matter why they meditate, just that they do. There is something about meditation that increases productivity and mental creativity. So far these are only correlations, but hopefully we will see some studies that give us a definitive answer as to what about meditation leads people to be more successful and productive.  Hopefully they an also establish the amount of time necessary to see full benefits of meditation for the general public. 

Take 5 minutes for yourself today and meditate!  You will have a clearer and more focused mind heading into the weekend. 

Who needs Self Care?

Who needs self care?

We all need self care.

We cannot count on others to take care of us.  This is our own responsibility.

Finding time to take care of ourselves can be hard. We have an astronomical amount to do everyday.  Whether you are raising children or building a company, there is tons to do at every second of everyday.  We try to cram 26 hours into a 24 hour day.  That's without time for eating, sleeping, or going to the bathroom.  We live in a society that is always about more; more productivity, more time at work, more tasks. We have to step out of this cycle and realize that taking time for self care is important and necessary in order to accomplish more and to live a healthier life.

Self-care can be as simple as taking 5 minutes to sit in silence or listen to music. It can be attending a yoga class.  It can be sitting on the toilet reading a book so that your kids don't bother you. It can be giving yourself a face mask.  It could be meditating or taking a long, hot shower. Self-care is anything that relaxes you and gives you time to re-energize. It can be anything.  What is self-care for one person could be excruciating and awful for another person.  Self-care is personal.

Have a great Wednesday!

Breathing

You know how to breathe right?

But do you know how to breathe right?

If you said yes, you're probably wrong.  Your body breathes without any conscious thought most of the time.   90% of the population breathes without conscious thought.  In yoga classes and music classes they call proper breathing Diaphrambic breathing- or breathing from your diaphragm.

To find out how you are breathing, place one hand flat on your stomach and one hand flat on your chest.

When you breathe in, which hand moves?  Your stomach hand or your chest hand?

If you said chest hand, you are breathing incorrectly for self care.
If you said stomach hand, you may be breathing correctly for self care.

Breathing is one of the best exercises for self care and relaxation.

The first exercise is short version of a counting breathing exercise.  It is about awareness and relaxation.

1. Find a comfortable position either sitting or standing. Close your eyes.

2. Place one hand on your abdomen and one hand in the center of your chest.

3. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.

4. Concentrate on making your belly hand rise when you breathe in.

5. Breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4,  and then breathe out for a count of 4. Repeat 4 times.

6. Breathe normally for about 30 seconds and then open your eyes and go about your day. 

The second exercise is a progression breathing exercise that I used in karate to calm myself down after fighting.  This is a long exercise meant to relax and slow breathing.

1. To calm yourself: go someplace where you can be alone: your room, an empty staircase, a bathroom stall, etc. Leave your phone on silent. Do not look at it. 

2. Find a comfortable position either sitting or standing. Close your eyes.

3. Place one hand on your abdomen and one hand in the center of your chest.

4. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.

5. Concentrate on making your belly hand rise when you breathe in.

6. Breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4,  and then breathe out for a count of 4. Repeat 4 times.

7. Breathe in for a count of 6, hold for six, breathe out for 6.  Repeat 6 times.

8. Breathe in for 8, hold for 8, breathe out for 8. Repeat 8 times.

9. Breathe in for 10, hold for 10, breathe out for 10.  Repeat 10 times. 

10.  Breathe normally for 2 minutes, then open your eyes, and go about your day. 

These are just two breathing exercises.  There will be more I promise.  Not every breathing exercise works as a relaxation and self-care tool for every person.  Keep trying different ones until you find one or two that work well for you. 

Have a great Tuesday and go find some air to breathe!

Change of focus: Self care in the modern world

This blog is about to go through a change of focus.  One of my biggest passions is self care.  

I see everyone around me forgetting to take care of themselves.  I hear about nursing interns who tirelessly take care of patients but haven't eaten or used the bathroom in 12 hours.  I hear about mothers and fathers who are so busy taking care of their spouses, children, and careers that they haven't had 10 minutes to themselves in weeks.  I hear about teachers who go home at night and make end of the year baskets to send home with their kids, so maybe for a few days they won't be hungry, staying up until all hours of the night to make sure they are ready. I hear about graduate students who are working a job to put themselves through school, staying up until all hours of the night to finish projects that their classmates don't care about in order to make sure they maintain a good gpa.


All of these people are important.  Every person on this planet is important.  Yet, we are so worried about taking care of others, that we rarely take time for ourselves.  Because of this trend, I am going to re-focus this blog to specifically talk about self care, research you may find interesting in the field, and how myself and others are teaching ourselves to take care of ourselves too.

Happy Monday!

Live for today

Thousands of people have talked about this. There are country songs about it. It never makes sense to you until you’ve lived through it.  You got the diagnosis of cancer and your life flashed before your eyes.  You were in a car crash.  Your best friend from home died suddenly.  Welcome to reality.  People die everyday for a bajillion different reasons. 

What was my thing?  I’ve a bunch so far.  I’ve been a first responder at three different head on car accidents. And I’ve brought someone back to life with cpr. This is my life.  While I was in insurance, I went to see a client, and her husband had a heart attack right after I walked in the door. (I’m not scary I promise). I ran to the back of the trailer, called 911 and administered CPR to the patient.  He came back to us and they had to shock his heart multiple times to keep him alive until he was safely at the hospital.  I took his wife there driving much faster than I probably should have on dirt roads.  I stayed there with her until her husband was life-flighted to another hospital for specialized care.  Then I drove her home so she could catch a ride to the other hospital with her brother in law.  He died upon landing at the other hospital.  I didn’t find out until the next day. 

I tell you this story because it didn’t change my life at the time. I still worked 70 hours a week and barely saw my spouse.  I bought into the promise that the career would change my life.  In the end, it did change my life.  I woke up one day and I’d had enough.  It reminded me that life is meant to be lived with the people you care about. No matter how short that period of time is.  The couple whose husband had the heart attack were middle aged and had only been married 3 years.  They hadn’t found each other until late in life.  I am so lucky to have found my person pretty early in my life.  Tomorrow he could be gone.  Life is tricky and messy and unplanned. It starts and it ends without a lot of warning sometimes.  

You have to live for now.  Tomorrow you could be in a car accident and die. It could happen at any time.  Remember that you are strong and that your life makes a difference in the big scheme of things.  So why not do something with your time.  I know binge watching tv shows can be awesome and sometimes its all you want to do, but if that was your last day on earth would you be satisfied with the way you spent it? 

Call your parents.  Tell them you love them.  Call your kids.  Tell them you love them.  Call your friends.  Tell them that you care.  Make plans with these people.  Even if it is to binge watch House of Cards or Game of Thrones or the Big Bang Theory.  Be glad that you did it with someone you care about.  You never know what will be your last moment.  So try not to fight about the little things- though they seem important at the time, love as much as you can, and live like today was your last day. You never know if it is. 

Live for now, because you don’t know if tomorrow will come. 

Day in Day out,

B